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This just in – thin thighs dangerous to your health

January 6, 2010

I was having a pretty mediocre day until I picked up the most recent copy of Oprah’s magazine. Skimming through the pages of book picks and Oprah’s out-of-my-budget “must-haves,” I fell upon an article with a headline that read “Four Things That Are Just Fine the Way They Are.” Intriguing, yes? More intriguing was the first pick on the list: “Your Thighs.” For a girl, such as myself (who is constantly griping about NOT having thin thighs — damn genetics), the idea that my thighs are “fine they way they are,” prompted me to read on.

“A recent Danish study shows that people with thighs less than 24 inches around face a higher risk of heart disease and premature death, even if their BMI (body mass index) is normal. Not only do model-skinny thighs meab less muscle mass, but some scientists hypothesize that thigh fat acts as a ‘metabolic sink,’ flushing the blood of harmful triglycerides (which raise your risk of cardiovascular ills).”

All those years of leg lifts, squats, and ankle weights, and the reality is: thigh fat is good for your health! Skinny thighs are bad for you. I did a little happy dance in my head. Okay, a big happy dance in the family room. So what could be better news, you ask? Ah, but there’s more…

The second thing on the list of “things that are find JUST the way they are” was “Your Chocolate Habit.” I kid you not. I began to think maybe someone switched my REAL copy of O Magazine for one that was printed (in jest) just for me. April Fools day trick in January? But I read on, anxious to know the facts of this alarming (yet exciting) fact.

“An eight year Swedish study of heart attack survivors showed that chocolate eaters had better survival rates– and the more chocolate they ate, the lower the risk of death.”

So, after a long day at the office, I come home to find that the planet has completely shifted on its axis. Nothing is what it seems, and yet everything finally feels right to me. Chocolate is saving my life– and we’re not talking about your tiny slivers of ultradark (bitter) dark chocolate here, either. I’m talking about a good two ounce portion (which they likened to a few triangles of milk choclate Toblerone…YUUMMMM!!!) — and my thighs are keeping my heart strong and healthy.

It’s a good day. Not only will I stop feeling bad about my ever-growing Spanx collection, but I can totally renege on my resolution to give up chocolate!

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