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Growing up

May 8, 2010

My husband and I have been married for 18 years. I remember that soon after we met, his mom and step-dad were celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary and I thought that was amazing — to be married for so many years. I wondered if that would be me, one day, celebrating 25 years with the same man. It seemed like such a long time. So out of reach. And yet, here I am.

Thinking back to the girl I was then, I can see how much I’ve “grown up” with this man I married. I wouldn’t even recognize that girl if I passed her in the street. I’d glance, and there would be that feeling of “knowing her from somewhere,” but then I’d shrug my shoulders and move on. That girl was raising two small kids; working as an accounts payable clerk. That girl wore stockings to work and smoked cigarettes on her break. That girl had long blonde hair and blue eyes; a tight butt and thin(ner) thighs. No wrinkles or gray hair on her head to hide. She was quiet spoken, and maybe even a little shy.

That girl never dreamed she’d ever be a writer, she was a mommy. That was her dream. And she loved that dream, but she didn’t believe she could dream anything bigger, until she met the man. Until she grew up.

My kids are grown (or almost grown) and my only wish for all of them is that they follow their dreams. Live every moment. And find someone who believes in them and in their dreams. I’m not sure if you ever really grow up. Maybe we just GROW. As our lives change, and we want different things, imagine other dreams for ourselves.

If I ran into that girl, I’d tell her not to worry. Life gets easier. That raising kids will always be the best thing she will ever do in her life, but that there’s something more, for her, too. And that when she meets the woman she becomes, she’ll really like her. That she will be proud of her. That she will be the best mom she could be. And she will be loved.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. Linda Spear permalink
    May 8, 2010 3:35 pm

    Beautiful. You did turn out to be the woman you hoped to be. And how for your kids….

  2. Judy permalink
    May 8, 2010 4:06 pm

    That is beautiful, Gwen, very touching. What every mother aspires to be… Thanks for sharing that.

    Love,
    Judy

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