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The phone call

May 24, 2010

Someone I love was violently attacked this past weekend. And I’ll start this out by saying “he’s fine…” –just as my sister did (thankfully), before she said the words that will be forever ingrained in my mind.

Because I live far from home, and couldn’t be there to “see” for myself, witness the damage that was done, I spent most of the weekend imagining the scene — playing it out over and over in my mind. I’m not sure if there’s anything worse, in situations like this, than feeling helpless — disconnected. I heard the silent telephone ring a dozen times. I waited.

The old “..no news is good news” kept me from completely breaking down. Knowing that he was in good hands, but worrying just the same. And I am a champion worrier – ask anyone.

What struck me most about this violent attack is that it happened to us, not the “them.” The story plays out like a horror movie, and as I told it to a friend, I felt as though I were reading the back of a movie I’d just yanked out of Redbox. It was surreal. Unreal. Impossible to have really happened, not only to someone I know, but to someone I love.

Anger is an frequent bedfellow to worry. On Sunday, I was pissed. When the worry subsided a little — when I knew he was going to be okay — I got angry. Angry that there was someone so vile in this world. One of so many crazy human beings capable of harming others. I didn’t get it. I was angry that he would forever have this memory. That he might be afraid. I was angry that he was almost taken from me. That I couldn’t help, as my sisters were helping. So many things to be angry about.

Not sure what emotion comes next. I’m hoping it’s gratitude. I’m trying to conjure that up. Be grateful for the fact that he was one of the lucky ones. That it wasn’t his time, and all that. That’s the feeling I want to have today.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. May 24, 2010 12:36 pm

    What relief! So happy you can start your week with gratitude!

  2. Judy permalink
    May 24, 2010 3:23 pm

    Hi, Gwen, I am so sorry to hear about this brutal attack. I don’t know why bad things happen to good people. And I am certainly not the one to ask about that, after my own tragic event a month ago. I only know that “life is what happens while you are making other plans.” As for the graditude, you already have it. You are grateful the person is still alive, you are grateful that your family was able to be there for him, you are grateful that you have a hugh network of friends to share you thoughts and feelings with. And I am so grateful to have had you and your family in my life when I went through my own personal “dark night of the soul”. Everyone will get through this, and all will come out on the other side, a little older, a little more worn, but certainly a little more wiser, as well.
    My thoughts and prayers are with all of you and I know that “this too shall pass” Good luck and God Bless.
    Judy

    • May 24, 2010 4:56 pm

      Thanks Judy. You’re so sweet. We’re just happy he’s okay. 🙂

  3. June 1, 2010 2:22 pm

    Sorry to hear of this misforture but glad to hear ‘he’s ok’. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Share your gratefulness to ‘him’ so he may start to feel the same. It’s always better to point out what we are grateful for than what we are angry about. Sometimes it takes us a few steps to get there.

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